The last two months…

Wow, I can’t believe it’s been over two months since my last post… life has a way of getting away from you- fast!

Here are some notable things about the last two months:

• Emma continues to grow and be extremely active.  I’m still incredibly small for 7.5 months, but the doctors always say I’m doing fine.  I did fail the 1 hour glucose test, which meant I had to take a whole day off from school and take a 3 hour test.  I passed!  I fully blame the sandwich I binge ate right before the first test!
• I won Jason and my Dancing With the Stars league, which means I get a spa day!  I’ve booked a Maternity Spa Day for the 28th.  It will be my early birthday present!
• We made plans to ski in Virginia over Martin Luther King, Jr. Day in January.  Well, ok, Jason made plans to ski.  I’m just along for the ride!  Hopefully he’ll wear himself out quickly on the slopes and he’ll come hang out with me!
• Tui got feline dermatitis again- same time of the year as last year.  Along with the dermatitis came hundreds of tiny red bugs.  Thankfully, I *think* I caught it early enough and got them under control before they could get out of control, like last year. We thought it would be best to keep her inside until the first big freeze kills all the bugs… Keeping her inside all the time has been rough on both of us… she’s just not made to be an inside cat!
• The last few weeks of school were hard; I don’t know who was more ready for break, me or the kids.  The best moment was when two different students independently came up to me and said thanks for letting them make gingerbread houses.  One of them was a little boy who drives me nuts, so it’s nice to know that maybe, just maybe, I’m making a difference in his life.  Who cares if it’s through frosting and candy!
• Jason should be coming home soon and I am so excited!  I’m tired of being alone in the house all the time (Tui only counts sometimes) and I’m tired of cooking for myself.  I’m such a boring cook when he’s gone.  I always resolve to do a better job when he comes home…. hopefully it will last this redeployment.
• We bought a new computer: a MacBook Air.  IT IS AMAZING.  I can’t believe I’ve stood by PCs for so long…  I’ll never go back.  I think someday our house will be entirely Apple products.  We’re already well on our way…
• My friendships at school continue to be a struggle.  I’m trying to remind myself that people come and go in your life, but that doesn’t make me feel much better.  Oh well.  What’s that saying?  Who needs enemies with friends like these?  …Something like that.
• Christmas is almost here and I’m looking forward to spending it with Jason and his family.  It’s never the same as being home in Montana, but it will have to do.  I guess that’s part of growing up.  Someday my children will have to choose with whose family to spend Christmas.

Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year!

Finding grace in solitude

There is always something special about walking alone on a beach.  I went for a beach stroll today, and I couldn’t help but draw parallels to my time in New Zealand.  Most days after school, I would skip down the stone steps, zigzag down the dirt path, and jump across the wooden steps to the beach.  Once I was there, I would walk or run for a flood of endorphins, then do my favorite yoga postures.  Sometimes I just sat.  But regardless of what I was doing, however, I always felt like my time on that beach was truly “me time.”  I was alone in a foreign country, in a small town, living with a couple who was kind, but hard to live with.  That beach made me feel centered and self-assured… even though being alone is often my worst nightmare.  At that time my life was exactly where I wanted it: preparing to graduate from college, moving on from boyfriends past, and starting my new career where ever I desired.  I was poised for all the new beginnings that were coming my way.

And here I am today–walking a beach alone, but still feeling centered and self-assured, and just plain happy.  My life is once again about to step into a new beginning: parenthood.  I’m scared and excited and nervous…but ready.  If you’d stopped me back in NZ and asked about my plan for the next 5 years, I would probably said, getting a teaching job, earning my masters, marrying a man I adore and who takes the best care of me, and possibly preparing for children.  I’m so thrilled to think that I have done what I wanted to do.  I have achieved my 5 year plan!  The biggest bane of my existence right now is that Emma has started moving– a LOT!  It reminds me of when your eye twitches and I find it a little annoying (which Jason thinks is hilarious).  She moves mostly at night before bed, but I’ve noticed it during the day at school too.  It is such a bizarre feeling.  I find myself often wondering what the heck she’s doing in there.  I’m really excited for when Jason can feel her moving too.

 

Is honesty always the best policy?

As friends, are we allowed to say exactly what we think?  Does being friends give one a license to speak the truth, regardless of if it is hurtful or bitter?  I tend to think not, but apparently not everyone agrees.  Of course there are things that I don’t like about people, including my friends, but I just try to keep them to myself, out of respect for their feelings– because the ARE my friends!  No one, including me, is perfect.  But jeez is it too much to ask for a little respect, even if that means biting your tongue?

Also, if there are too many things you don’t like about someone, would you still be her friend?  Why would you invest your time and energy into a friendship that you feel isn’t valuable?  I guess the answer is you wouldn’t.  Right?  I’ve found that for the most part, Southern women are confusing.  They are so sweet to your face, then turn around and talk behind your back because they don’t like you.  Seems like women on the West Coast are more transparent- if they don’t like you, they make it very clear—to your face!—and then they’re not your friend.  Not everyone has to be friends; I’m not naive.   I guess I just don’t like being blindsided by a person I considered to be my friend.  It hurts.

Baby Emma

Here are some pictures of little Emma.  It’s so amazing because she’s still so small… and yet she looks so detailed and fully formed!

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We also got a DVD of Emma, but I couldn’t get it to upload without paying $60!  Here’s a play by play: she rolls over in the first few minutes, then the Ultrasound Tech labels her as a girl, and a few minutes after that you can see her opening and closing her mouth (my baby book says she practicing sucking and swallowing).  It was really, really cute!

New classroom, new students, new growing pains

Well… summer is officially over. Last Thursday 20 bright faces joined me on my fifth year of teaching. It’s hard to believe how fast it went by, and how much I improved as a teacher. It makes me laugh a little because there are so many things I do differently. One thing I do miss is my unending enthusiasm. It seemed like my first two years in California, staying until 5 on weekdays and working on Saturdays was too easy. I worked so hard those two years! I’d like to think now I’m just more efficient, but I’m not positive that’s entirely true… Being a good teacher is about change and growth. Experts say you’re supposed to “grow” 10% each year. I think I have done that, but am I as dedicated as I used to be? Sometimes I can barely make it past buses leaving thinking, “How fast can I blow this Popsicle stand?” Maybe it’s my feet hurting these days, or my back aching… Or maybe it’s this parasite of a baby growing inside me?!? Fatigue is definitely a symptom of pregnancy, but is lack of motivation?

Anyway, my new class is very different than last year. It is so strange to me how group dynamics change so greatly from year to year. Last year, the entire 2nd grade was so chatty; this year, they are generally well behaved and QUIET! I’m not saying they’re all angels, but last year I had fighting, this year I have shouting out. I can totally deal. Unfortunately, this year’s class is very low in reading and math… Last year I had 4 kids that were reading years above grade level and spelling like adults! This year, we’ll be spending a LOT of time on short and long vowel spellings. Oh boy. Here comes my 10% change!

Feeling Lucky…

Back in February, I remember posting on Facebook about luck.  Can luck just “run out”?  Is there even such a thing as luck, and do some people have it and others do not?  Before February, I’d always considered myself extremely lucky.  I know that part of it was being ready and taking advantage of opportunities that came my way, but it still seemed like part of it was just unexplainable good fortune.  I think this sums it up well: “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity” (Seneca).  So as long as I was prepared to dive head first into any opportunity, I should have been fine, right?

Apparently not.  Things appeared to fall apart.  I know you can tell yourself 1,000 times, “Things happen for a reason,” but that doesn’t really make you feel better when life is really sucking.  So maybe the best quote to hold on to when things aren’t going your way is “This too shall pass.”  It will pass, as long as you just let things suck for a while, they will get better at some point.  The waiting blows, I know, but it’s worth it.

Fortuitously for me, it did pass, and I’m once again feeling lucky!  Jason made it home: safe, healthy, and in one piece.  We had enough money in our savings to buy brand new living room and bedroom furniture* which I totally love.  (Our house finally feels like it’s coming together!)  I somehow managed to keep my job even though the NC budget is in crisis.  Whether that is a blessing or curse is still to be seen!!  Jason will be promoted to Major in about 2 months or so, and he’s taking command of his unit August 1st.  He also got in a minor car accident on Monday– eight houses down from ours!  A woman backed her car out of her driveway right into Jason on the main road.  Thankfully (luckily?) neither Jason nor the woman and her daughter were hurt.  Jason has been wanting a new car for a while, so he was feeling extra happy (lucky?) for just having totaled his car, and now needed a new one!  Finally, we have one other lucky thing in the works, but I think I’ll keep that a secret for now…  Our luckiness has turned into a feeling of happiness, and oh what a wonderful feeling it is!  But beware…happiness is such an elusive feeling.  I know not to hold it too tightly, or it could slip through my fingers or vaporize into thin air.  Right now I’m thankful just to hold it gently, and take extra good care of it.

*www.havertys.com  Search “Copley Square” for bedroom and “Kaleidoscope” for living room.

Evolved Emotions

I totally stole this from Psychology Today… the rightful author is Brian Frazer.  Thanks, man!

New emotions in our ever changing, high tech and fast paced lives…

Facepression: The sadness felt after reading one of your loved one’s dull status updates.

Inkvy: Shock that the coworker with the neck tattoo got a promotion before you did.

Mortifallergy: The annoyance and embarrassment you experience when your dinner partner asks the waiter if the bread sticks are gluten free.  (Ok, so maybe that’s ME, not my dinner partner!)

Perplexzon: Confusion over whether to order an extra book from Amazon so you go over the $25 minimum to be eligible for free Super Saver Shipping.

Skyperehension: Concern that the person you’re Skypeing with looks more put together than you.

Slothmorse: Guilt about skipping your Yogilates class to go out for drinks.

Trioity: The feelings of sluggishness and guilt that accompany watching 6+ consecutive hours of DVR’d reality shows. (Jersey Shore, anyone?)

Twate: The mixture of disgust and curiosity felt when following someone on Twitter even though you hate them.

These made me laugh and I hope they give you a giggle too!

The future…

So Jason gets back in less than two weeks, and I can’t wait! I’m thankful that it went by so fast- way faster than last time… but it’s still been hard. We’ve had a rough 2011. I went to my favorite doctor ever, Dr. Wood, for my “preconception checkup.” He says everything should be fine for us as we try to get pregnant again. He was so optimistic and I wished it would rub off on me. I’m scared. I know that when I see that pink plus, I’m going to be rocked with fear. Last time I was so naive, so blissfully ignorant. This time I’ll be more cautious, more reserved, and far, far less naive. I’m ready. Just scared. I don’t know if I can do it again- it hurt so much! More than I ever thought possible, but it does help that Dr. Wood was so optimistic. He new things weren’t right last time, and so I feel confident that he knows what’s up.

Also, on a side note, on Tuesday one of my students asked me when I was having my baby. I felt a tiny pin prick of hurt, but I got over it quickly. I though: It’s funny how observant 8-year olds can be–especially when you don’t want them to be!!

Classroom sucesses!

The best thing happened this morning at school… One of my students ran an entire phonics lesson while I was dealing with a disruptive child. She said the same things I said; she sounded out every word; she even made up amazingly creative sentences to go with each one! She also gave one student a warning because he was talking- and she used the same hand signal I use!! She said, “****, it’s not your turn to talk.  This is your warning” and she signed a W to him. And it worked! She walked around the room “monitoring” students and helping when needed. It was like watching a mini-me teach and I’m sure I would have giggled with joy and pride if I had not been blocking the door with all my weight, then helping the principal physically carry the child out of my room. The other students just kept on going, though, right through kicking and screaming and doors slamming. I have never felt so proud—of all of them! I have created a classroom of second graders that can practically run itself. Win.

I know that some days are good and some days are bad- in everything we do.  I just wanted to share this to remind you (and myself!) that there is always something to laugh about! I hope you have had some joys and successes recently; I’d love to hear some of your stories if you would like to comment…

Here we go!

Hi everyone,

I remember when I was growing up, my mom always told me I was a good writer.  I never really believed her, even though I always got high marks on all my writing assignments, homework, papers.  Recently I’ve been feeling like there’s something missing from my life… and I think it’s writing.  I’d like this blog to be a platform for communication, reflections, laughter, and general sharing of my life experiences.  I hope you are ready to join me in this adventure!

Alli